I have NOT switched teams

If you follow my blog, then you know I really struggled at the beginning of the year with some very unexpected feelings. And all of that eventually led to having drinks with a friend and someone she wanted me to meet.  Which led, subsequently, to a first date.

So new guy has been traveling and he sent me a text that he's returning soon and would like to meet for drinks. I had decided that dating wasn't for me and was ready to respond with a no. But his text arrived in the midst of Camp Widow and I didn't have time to think about an appropriate response then. So I decided to wait and respond when I got home. And I'll admit I started thinking about saying yes. Many friends had suggested I give him a second chance. It was just for drinks.

It was a very good decision to wait until I got home to deal with this.

You see, when I saw his text I didn't realize that I wasn't seeing the whole thing. And when I opened it up and read what he wrote at the end I knew I needed to decline the invitation. Telling me I was in his dreams did not feel like 'we can take this as slow as you need'. And it made me very wary of what he would be expecting with a second date.  And to be honest ... if he really cared about me wouldn't he at least spell my name correctly? 

So I spent some time writing a response and was quite happy with it. I felt it was a kind response and it placed the reason I was saying no totally on me.

He responded very kindly so I felt pretty good about how this whole thing had turned out.

And then our mutual friend called and shared what he had told her: That I had opened up and shared in my 'Dear John' text that I wasn't interested in men!  What?!  She said it definitely sounded like he was saying I had acknowledged I was a lesbian. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a lesbian. I have many really wonderful gay friends that I love dearly, but how on earth could he take what I wrote and get that conclusion? 

OK, I do understand that this was probably him soothing his ego by making an excuse for my rejection.  So I laughed.  And our mutual friend and I went out to dinner. And we laughed some more because she was going to tell him I had accepted a 'date' with her. (They are good friends, so I doubt she'll actually do that because it could hurt his feelings.)

But through all of this I've learned that I need to listen to my gut. Always. When it tells me that something isn't right for me, I need to believe it.

This was my first date in the nearly 8 years since Vern died. My first date in 49 years. My first date with someone other than Vern since I was a senior in high school back in 1969. I have no experience with any of this. Vern is the only man I've ever been with. Dating probably isn't ever going to be a thing I'm comfortable with.

But I'm still open to the possibility that someone could arrive and sweep me off my feet.

Do I believe that will happen? To be honest, no, I do not.
Do I hope that it might just happen?  .......... ya know, I think I do. And that surprises me. A lot.