Last Friday, my widow breakfast buddy, Linda, and I each stated one thing we were going to accomplish this week. Mine was to dust my floors and finally send those dust bunny families packing. Yes, it's rather embarrassing to admit that I'm still not cleaning the house much at all. I wouldn't answer the door even if someone did stop by (which hasn't happened by the way). So when I came home from our breakfast I took care of those bunnies right away. It felt good! So good that I did one more thing on my list right away. Yeah! So I'm trying to just take this in small bites. No pressure to finish the entire list by a set date. It will all get done in due time.
One thing I think will help get me moving is I'm interviewing for a new job on Tuesday ... it's for the extra job I've been doing for the last 2+ months. While I've changed job responsibilities within my company over the years, I haven't had a formal job interview since 1992 and must admit I'm a bit nervous about that. Just a few months ago I was thinking about retiring. I was getting pretty comfortable with the idea for awhile there. But then I took a good look at my life and realized that I was just not ready for that. I can say that I would use that extra time to do all of the things I've wanted to do for so long, to travel and read and create ... but the fact is I'm still spending most all of my weekends inside my house on the computer. I don't want to become that crazy old widow lady who never ventures outside except to pick up the mail.
So going to work is good for me at this point - it's a lifeline, a place where I can push all of the sadness and loneliness and fears into the corner and be somebody I like, be who I really want to be. I think I need this new job ... for my healing. Vern is no longer here to make me feel like I matter. But this new job makes me feel valued - I love being asked my opinion and actually listened to, being truly appreciated. It feels really, really good and I think will have a positive impact on my personal life. So wish me luck on Tuesday; he's making the decision Wednesday morning ... just in time for a real THANKSgiving for me. Hey - it may even help me tackle that list a little faster, too!