Spreading my Wings

Having trouble getting out of my head these days. Waking up multiple times each night isn't a new thing for me, but the major thoughts now causing this surely are.

I do have some big deadlines hanging over me, too, which is part of it I'm sure.  Let me get those on the table first:

• I'm creating a little SoulBook for each of the students in the classroom I visited during Reading Week and will deliver on their last day of school - this week!   https://my.bravegirlsclub.com/product/soulbook-prompts-free-downloads/
• Brave Living Certified Instructors are hosting an online 8-week Soul Restoration Reboot session that starts on Tuesday and I've signed up to be the facilitator for one of those days. I need to get started on my own rebooted Soul Restoration journal.  If interested in participating, let me know and use my link and coupon code (diannewest) to receive a 30-day free trial of Brave Girl University.   http://my.bravegirlsclub.com/overview/soul-restoration/?orid=111
• We're moving Widowed Village to a new hosting platform. http://widowedvillage.org/
• Our San Diego Camp Widow is just 52 days away.  https://www.campwidow.org/

H O W E V E R ... my waking thoughts the past few nights have not been about these unfinished deadlines but rather about me personally and this new dating adventure. I hit a birthday this week and was dreading that ever-increasing number, but I'm now feeling more like a very insecure junior high kid.

Cards pulled this morning. OK, I hear ya.

I enjoyed meeting my friend and 'new guy' Thursday evening. He's very nice and interesting and while there (for 3 hours) I didn't even think about WHY I was there and just enjoyed the conversation. That changed the moment I got in my car to head home and has not let up since.

He asked my friend for my phone number.
He asked me out to dinner (and said I was beautiful)
I accepted (with some caveats).

All sorts of emotions ... feeling scared, old, nervous, fat, excited, guilty, ugly, beautiful, wanted, insecure. Geez. And this is supposed to be a good thing?  I truly do not know if I am up for this.

He shared some health issues ... and that scared me. Those caregiving years with Vern were a precious gift I lovingly gave to him, but they were so very hard and I just don't know whether I could survive another round of that. But my work within the widowed community has given me oh-so-many stories that prove there are no guarantees when it comes to illness or death. Strong, young, healthy people get sick and die. Healthy older people get cancer and die. And when a lovely widowed friend who is living with a treatable cancer shared what it's like trying to find a new love from THAT side of things, I decided I could not let that be the reason I did not accept the invitation for a second meeting with 'new guy'.

When I first changed my mind about the dating thing, I expressed my desire to just have someone drop on my doorstep with an immediate spark and connection. Like what happened with Vern. Not very realistic, I know. There was a connection with the person who initially got me thinking about dating, but he's not interested or available so I'm quite happy to have him as a friend (who is doing a little coaching with this current situation).

So this Friday I will go on a date. The first one since 1969 when I was 18 years old.

The world has changed since then and I may not fit into the current dating scene, but I decided I must give it a try so I'd know whether to keep at it or just know that it's not for me and to pull myself out of it completely. And 'new guy' seems to understand my trepidation.

So wish me luck.  And also pray that my blood pressure remains low and I don't break out in junior high zits!