- Halloween ... I put a 'sorry, no candy' note on the door
- Thanksgiving ... very non-traditional - went to a local Mexican restaurant with Jer
- Christmas ... no tree, no holiday parties, no decorations, no gifts
- New Year's Eve ... no fireworks
- His birthday ....
- Valentine's Day ....
- My birthday ... the big 6-0
- Our anniversary ... it would have been #42
- The one year anniversary of his death ...
There were many special moments of kindness shown to me throughout the year that I am very grateful for, but there are two 'events' that occurred that will stay with me forever.
One was a gift I gave to myself - an early December trip to the Florida Keys. I knew I couldn't be at work for all of the holiday festivities and decided that a trip to somewhere that didn't hold memories would be helpful. Those days in that beautiful spot started a healing in my soul and provided me with a possible link to my future retirement days.
And the very biggest remembrance of this first year was the anonymous gift of 'sparkles' on Christmas Eve. I felt very alone and forgotten most of this year and that gift demonstrated that someone out there was thinking of me, was reading my blog, had paid attention to something special that had occurred 3 months earlier and took the time to do this wonderful thing ... it warmed my heart in so many ways and will never, ever be forgotten.
So today is Day 1 of my resolve to make some changes, to grow, to figure out who I am and what I need to do. Think I'll start by making a list that I will post on the bathroom mirror so I see it every morning. I can do this.
6 comments:
I do the list on the bathroom mirror. I was alone for many of my "firsts", also. My only daughter lives 1000 miles away. Oct 4th will be the 2 yr anniversary(don't like that word) of my husbands death. In about 5 weeks, I am taking off in a motorhome to find myself. I was married when I 18 yrs old, for 33 1/2 years - I have a lot of thinking to do.
My words fall short as I reflect upon your journey; while I can only listen and watch from afar know that I am praying for you.
Diana~ I couldnt post a comment yesterday, although I had you in thought and prayer.
So begins this wonderful quest in search of Dianne West...
You can do it Girl!
Remember you have a fan club of sorts... women who love you although we have never met, women that admire your courage and inspire to be strong like you.
And so begins this new chapter...
Vern helped make you who you are today. Go make him and yourself proud♥
Here's to a "new" year and a "new" you!
Gosh I know this almost sounds odd to say to someone who's been through what you have, but...congratulations and well done. Firsts are not easy. You've come a long way baby!
Your experience of 'firsts' resonates with many of my own. I liken my healing experience to being a storm battered boat in drydock, getting much needed repairs, first on the engine and much much later on the decor. Decor seemed so trivial after what I'd been through! I set my compass to true north and groped to learn the lay of the land and the moods of the sea. Then, with the engines working but little 'decor', I tested my seaworthiness within the safe waters of the harbor. Eventually, when I had charted a desired course clearly enough in my mind, my voyages ventured outside the harbor, but close by. Finally I became ready to navigate the unpredictable waters of the open sea and set off from that harbor for good toward other harbors. For me, it became necessary to learn how to swim, literally, and six years into widowhood I'm doing just this! Now I'm less frightened and more prepared to manage, and swim strongly when circumstances unexpectedly throw me overboard. I'm not always excited about being captain and crew of my own ship, but I'm so aware that God and my late husband are looking out for me. Trust your own method. You are not alone in spirit.
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