Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The beginning of the end

I woke up this morning feeling strange. I had gone to bed early and slept fairly well (for me). I awoke well before my 4:30 alarm went off and decided to just get up and start my day. My tummy was feeling a bit unsettled - but I figured that was because my dinner had consisted of ice cream just before retiring. I turned on my Kindle and played a couple of word searches and then decided to start reading one of the many books I've purchased. Open to Hope, Inspirational Stories of Healing After Loss caught my eye ... and while reading of a wife who with every downturn in her husband's cancer battle feared he would not recover, it hit me.

I never once felt that ... not during the initial hospitalization and surgery ... not when he started bleeding out 4 days later and was given the wrong blood on the operating table ... not with the stage 4 pressure ulcer and colostomy ... not with the kidney failure ... not with that awful open back wound that would not heal ... not with the abdominal aortic pseudoaneurysm ... not during any of the many, many hospitalizations over those 4.5 years ... and not on that morning one year ago when I called 911. I never once thought that it would be the end. Not once.  HOPE ... it was always there ... always.

But then I looked at today's date and now I understand why today feels different. One year ago I made that call. And I know now where that call took us and how it ended. It was a day that changed my life and I didn't even realize it at the time.

Those wonderfully kind Henderson Fire Department paramedics arrived and were able to gently lift my dear Vern up out of the recliner and onto the gurney.  We arrived at St. Rose Siena and I learned we had more issues than I anticipated, but we had been in this spot so many times before. We'd get through this crisis, too.

The hospital was packed and we waited for a bed to open ... with his feet hanging off the ER gurney.

After 8 hours, we opted for a transfer to St. Rose San Martin and he was finally settled in a real bed. He was comfortable, sedated, tests and dialysis ordered.  Day 1 of the final 9 days of Vern's life ended with hope once again.


Lori Puente said...

It's interesting how spiritually we "know" but intellectually we are catching up! I'm glad you sorted it out.

Tracy L. said...

It's weird, but I thought the same thing the last time Rick was taken in by ambulance. It never occured to me that it would be his final trip, and that he'd never see his home again. Like before, we'd go to the ER, be admitted, fix what had gone bad, and go home to face the next crisis. I was totally shocked when I found out this wasn't to be. I guess I always had hope too.

Hugs to you my friend, during these hard days ahead. ♥♥♥