Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Our last day together

I knew time was very short this day a year ago. I had asked the nurse to come into the room when he began making a strange sound. That was when I learned about the death rattle - and while it was rather disturbing, I was assured that he was not experiencing any discomfort. I squeezed myself into his bed without disturbing him, wrapped my arm around his head and stayed there, speaking softly to him throughout the night.

I had asked God to send an angel to carry my Vern home and I have no doubt at all that my prayers was answered. Earlier, I shared my wish with Vern and asked if he had seen any angels. He nodded and whispered 'one' and pointed over to the corner of his room. He later asked me how many angels he needed and said "I'm ready to go."  He would stay with me for another day.

"In the night of death, hope sees a star,
and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing."
~Robert Ingersoll

As hard as it is to recall all that happened a year ago, remembering all of these moments brings me some peace and I think it will help me to move forward. I am proud of how I cared for Vern, how I loved him, how I let him go when it was time.


janis said...

diane... that is so loving and dear. my prayers for you today is to give you strength to get through today & tomorrow. to have your heart filled with love and for you to find some sweet laughter, from memories, or from children in your life. that you continue to share your journey and help those that hear it. You have a blessing with your writing.
love to you...

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to tell you how I envy that you were and are able to express yourself . When ever I need to say something to someone when I am afraid, all I can do is cry. You have shared your journey, through the tears. Made everyone around you feel better with your kind words and sharing heart. I thank Vern for marrying you because I do not believe that there would have been any other woman that would have shared all of this with those of us that live so far away and never had the opportunity to have you and Vern as part of our lives since we left high school. God love and keep you and Thank you from the bottom of my heart for including those of us who couldn't be there for the two of you.This may be the hardest week yet but maybe once you get through this one, things might become a little easier. My thoughts and prayers are with you and It's probably a good thing that I be there with you because all I can do is cry and that wouldn't help you a bit.
Stay outside as much as possible and let the sounds of the earth wash over you , Know that you are and Vern are loved.I pray for Peace to find it's way into your heart. your friend.

Kerrie said...

You are showing your strength and witness to others. You are sharing that it is okay to cry, to mourn, to miss that very special love of your life. God Bless you for sharing.

Miss. Him said...

I wish I knew what to say. Reading this has me in tears. How hard it is...our last day with them! All I know to do right now is pray for you to have peace and comfort right now. You are truly amazing. Vern was so lucky to have you. I know he is smiling down on you from Heaven!
Love you!

Georgina said...

As you are proud of what you did a year ago, he is surely proud of you too, for getting through the difficult times of being without him.

He is looking down urging you to keep on moving forward with his blessings.

I share with you this day, a year on since my husband died. He passed away on 22 Sept 2010. Remembering all of the things we did on that day isn't easy.

Looking back on the year, we have come a long way in the grieving process.

Sending you lots of love.

Patty Kline said...

Dianne, that's beautiful and tender, and I'm proud of you, too.