Well this post almost had a completely different slant. I was feeling rather blue last night and started writing. But after typing all of those hard words, I couldn't get them to work the way I wanted to present them. So I decided to sit on it overnight and just go to bed.
There are a couple of important lessons I learned by that action.
One is that it sometimes helps to just write the hard stuff out. Just write and not share. You can choose to delete what you wrote if it was on the computer. Or burn it if you wrote it on paper. Or paint over it if you wrote it in your journal. Or even just leave it there for your own future reference to honor those feelings. Because we do get to feel whatever we feel ... and it doesn't matter whether others would understand it or be comfortable with hearing or reading it.
The other lesson is that my 'perfectionism' saved me some embarrassment. I'm grateful for that. Really grateful. I did not need to share all that I had written. Too honest. Too raw. Too vulnerable. If only Vern was here. He would listen. He would understand. He would help me answer my own questions. Actually, he would take one look at me and just know I was struggling. But then most of what I wrote about would not even be a concern if he were here.
So I made a choice when I woke up today. We each get to do that, ya know? Choose how we're going to react to things, choose what we will focus our attention on, choose to fix the things in our life that hurt our hearts - or choose to walk away from those things.
And rather than posting the words I wrote when I was feeling all sorts of hard things, today I'm sharing this beautiful song I heard for the first time this morning. You can add anything you want for yourself after those two powerful "I am" words. And those are the words that I - and you, too - need to embrace every day.
Today I am choosing kindness. And love. And I'm saying thank you. I started that last week but spent today finishing it. I'll be headed to the Post Office in the morning with a nice stack of those things to send out into the world. I'm hopeful putting these good things out there will shift my focus and help to lift this weight from my heart.