Monday, September 5, 2011

"...or you can let it strengthen you."

I've had a change take place at work that I'm quite excited about. A manager I deeply respect has received a well-deserved promotion to director of a new department and has asked me to help him get it off the ground. I'm very flattered by the things he's said and look forward to helping him do this right. It's the spark I've needed. I enjoy my current job managing our employee recognition programs, but the struggle to get the buy-in needed for it to be fully successful has been wearing on me. The lure of retirement was sounding better each day. But now that I have these new responsibilities, I'm energized again. I'm splitting my time between this new job and my current work which keeps me hopping, so a benefit is that I'm finally able to sleep straight through the night on my work nights. 

I've been enjoying breakfasts on the weekends with special friends, and I had a great time Saturday night with Deb at dinner and the Sade/John Legend concert. It has gotten easier for me to do these social things, but I do still find that I need my down time afterward. I continue to find myself picking up my cell phone to call Vern or making a mental note to share something with him when I get home, but those slips no longer bring me to my knees.

When something bad happens you have three choices. 
You can either let it define you, 
let it destroy you, 
or you can let it strengthen you.

I've fought hearing those "you're strong" words, but I can do that no longer ... especially after reading  the above quote.  I certainly will not let Vern's death define or destroy me ... that would not honor the years we had together and all that our love meant. So allowing the loss of the love of my life to strengthen me is a good thing. And I see evidence of this strength nearly every day.  Oh I still have a long way to go to become who I need to be, but I can now see the possibilities.


Teri said...

Thanks for the reminder. Over the weekend I was at a family baptism and someone (that I had seen for the first time since my husbands death) was telling me how strong and courageous I was for doing some things on my own and I "lost it" and broke down and cried. I will try to hold my head up and say "yes, I am strong" - instead.

jaloysisus said...

Congratulations on finding a new passion in your work, Dianne, I know you will do well at it. I so appreciate your reminders that we honor our beloved by remaining strong and involved--the temptation is always there to forget that and spend a lot of time on the pity potty. Bless you, my friend.

Kerrie said...

I am so, so happy for you! You deserve it! Congrats! Love, K

Tracy L. said...

I'm just so damn proud of you right now, girlie ♥♥♥♥

Anonymous said...

You have turned a corner Darlin' and I am sure Vern is smiling. Good luck with the new responsibilities.I bet you are so thrilled to have the challenge.The quote is perfect and I can see how it would bring a little light to what must seem at times to be so dark.So. proud of you.Knowing that life will not be easy but it is getting a little lighter.This, maybe, is the time in your life that You can see what Vern saw all those year amazing woman.You have always risen to the challenge no matter how difficult, this one will be easy compared to the mountains you have already climbed. you go girl.

Lori Puente said...

After Dave's successful treatment, I've written about how completely and utterly "lost" I felt. With the move, loss of friends far away, loss of job, children and a myriad of things that were so much a part of me, he was off to work and I was at home, not yet fully moved in wondering, what the hell just happened and what am I going to do now? I'm so excited for you Dianne, that you have new and wonderful challenges to get you moving each day! It takes time and it comes sometimes at that perfect moment in our lives. And of course, I LOVE the quote. May have to steal it. Your life with Vern defines you. Your care of him in difficult times defines you. His death does not - at least in my mind anyway. I found you to be so deep, rich and much, much more. So proud to know you!

Susie Hemingway said...

This feels such an upbeat post Dianne but I know well the need for these quiet times after rather nice social occasions, the need to have the downtime you mention. Still reading this I can see that you are doing so very well on your road to recovery. We gave so much willingly to our wonderful men but of course not without it taking its toll on us. As you approach the first very big anniversary my thoughts are with you lovely lady. What a journey this year has been!
What a journey it has all been! I know our wonderful men would be SO proud of us. With great affection x