It was from a recent widow who said she found my posts "comforting" and she checks in every day to see if I've posted. I've been feeling that I'm not really contributing anything with this blog, but her email has given me a renewed drive to share my story. If my writing can help her, then it's worth keeping at this ... and I think it will also help me to heal.
I had every intention of getting out this past weekend (really, I did). I actually had something planned for each day. But it wasn't until late Sunday afternoon that I finally ventured out (and only because I needed laundry detergent). I work hard during the work week to act normal and need to lay low at times to re-energize so I can face the next week. A widow friend reminded me that it's important to "listen to me", so I'm trying to do that for now.
My last post noted that I'm afraid I've been concentrating too much on the date Vern passed. A friend made the following suggestion; I'm going to give it a try and see if it helps.
I was thinking of you and Vern last night and how the 22nd is such a constant reminder of your life- changing loss. And I thought, what if you thought of the day as Memory Day instead of the anniversary of when he left this world. And every 22nd get out a different picture of when the two of you were young and he was healthy, before the Evil C took over your lives. Even get a funny movie that the two of you shared and watch it knowing that he is beside you laughing again. And just maybe, someday, the 22nd will be a day that is not so painful, it will just be full of nice memories.
Thank you, Lynette, Sue and Gloria. Your messages made a real difference for me today.
Thank you, Lynette, Sue and Gloria. Your messages made a real difference for me today.
4 comments:
Although I am not a widow and have only a deep sense of how painful it must be. I always check here to see how you are really doing. This is where your friends can understand what you are going through. FB it just frivolous, which is a good thing but the ones that care about you want more and we don't want to pry. Thank you for keeping this going.You and Vern are always in my thoughts and prayers. You inspire hope in all that read your blog.
G
Diane.. I always check in on you as well and hope that you are doing as best as can be...
Diane: I just found your blog today. I too lost my husband to MM; on June 17, 2008. He was only sick for about 18 months and we thought he was in remission at the time of his death. I hope to have time later to read through your previous posts. I wish you peace on this journey. You will be in my prayers.
The thing about your blog is that you never know who is going to need you, like the previous comment. And just think. All that is said on the internet is "out there" for ever, and it goes on for ever just like heaven. Maybe Vern is sharing his feeling for you with his friends on the other side.
;)
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