Monday, December 3, 2012

It's time

The holiday season has been difficult for me since Vern died. I expect it and admit that I've pretty much tried to ignore it - feeling that was the best possible way to make it through until January 2nd. No shopping, no decorations, no gifts, no Christmas music. Just keep ripping those pages off the calendar to get through it, while putting on that ol' happy face for everyone to be reassured that I'm doing just fine, thank you.  Looking back at it now, I realize handling it this way was probably not the smartest thing for me to do. Pushing all the holiday festivities aside was just one more thing to add to my loss column. 

While at Brave Girl Camp in August I decided I was strong enough, brave enough, to put the tree up AND to decorate it this year. It is time. And it just might bring me some unexpected joy to deal with the memories during this hard season.   But now it's December and the tree still  hasn't made it out of the storage shed. My resolve to do this was beginning to wane ... and what did I receive? 

A surprise package from my amazing Brave Girls ... beautiful, sparkly snowflake ornaments for my tree. Full of memories, yes ... but those memories remind me that I am loved, that I am strong, that I can do this. So the tree will be going up this week, and the nativity set is coming out of the box, too. I may even make a batch of my pecan tarts.


Kerrie said...

Be brave dear girl! Love this post! I at least put up the tree and it was not too painful even though my heart is not in it, did it for the grandchildren. I am wanting to move, the memories are too great and the whole time we lived in this house, my sweet Bill was ill. Working on the move, may post the house here this week :)

Janet said...

Awww Dianne. That is precious. What a good thing to happen to you. I am so proud of you! Love and hugs from Ohio!

janis said...

Dianne~ Although my loss is different (My Mom unexpectedly past in May) I am understanding the difficulty of Holidays. I tried to put on my big girl panties... I felt I had to for my Dad (whom I care for now, and recently tried to kill himself... something he had planned since Moms Death) anyway.. Thanksgiving was probably the hardest day I have experienced. It wasnt just not having Mom here... it was the overwhelming sense of caring for Dad, unsuccessful mind you as he attempted sucicide) as well as other issues that have just filled my plate. Having the family dinner was not the best idea for me but I wanted to make it wonderful for Dad.
So now a few weeks later we are facing Mom's birthday, as well as Christmas. I chose not to don a tree... well, I have a tiny 3 footer pink tree and a mantle only of Christmas cheer. My Sis came up with a wonderful plan of Christmas dinner reserving a room at a restaurant instead of me havng to host. Then on Christmas day... have Dad join my Hubby , Adult daughters & me to a small dinner & day of movies.
Sorry I got a bit Chatty...
As for you, how wonderful you are braver and stepping into that uncomfortable yet hopefully soon will be comfy area. How Blessed to have the Brave Girl Friends encouraging and supporting you!
Love & {{hugs}} from Indiana♥