Dr. Gollard and the wonderful people at Cancer & Blood Specialists of Nevada were a major part of our lives from May 2006 to September 2010. During the last 2 years, we were there every week for Vern's chemo treatments. I wanted to stop by after Vern died ... to thank them for their care, their compassion, for what they do every single day for those of us who walk the cancer journey as either a patient or a caregiver. But I just could not do it. I drove by several times. I even drove into the parking lot. But fear kept me from getting out of the car. Could I enter those doors without Vern and not fall apart? What if no one there even remembered me? I just was not strong enough to take that chance.
A couple of weeks ago a dear friend asked me if I could take her to her chemo appointment today. She sees Dr. Gollard and goes to the same office we did. I never hesitated ... of course I would do this. I can do this. But I'll admit that I've been doing a lot of talking to myself about it. It's ok if they don't remember me ... how could they with the hundreds and hundreds of patients they see? And it's been two years since I was there. So I'll be ok. And then when I learned they had moved to a new location, I thanked God for that blessing. I won't be walking through that same door. I won't be sitting in that same waiting room. I won't have to see that same chemo room.
So I'm heading out now to pick up my friend. It's time to put this fear to rest.
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I did it! ... and it was good. I enjoyed seeing familiar faces - and I enjoyed spending a few hours with my friend. I am so very grateful they moved into their new offices this week. There were no memories for me in this new office. No flashbacks. No visions of Vern in there. And the nurses did remember me. Vern's favorites, Radka & Janet, are still the Friday chemo nurses. Their hugs felt so good. And I do believe some much-needed closure took place in there today.