No phone calls requested, no visits wanted ... not asking for any 'interventions'. Please no sympathy. It is what it is. I just need to actually type this out so I can leave it here and try to move on.
Today is 7 months. Leading up to it this week, I thought I'd be able to handle it quite well. Had plans to get outside to clean up Vern's rosebed, do a little shopping for the first time (besides groceries), get some organizing done here at home. Instead, I got very little sleep last night, have spent all morning on the computer and I'm in tears. I need to leave here in 30 minutes for a mammogram, so must get myself back on top of things. I must. No one wants to deal with a crying widow. Actually, no one cares.
Had a really horrible incident with Jeremy last night. My hopes and dreams of him turning a corner have been dashed. I was a real mess last night. Sobs of despair, loss, having to do this on my own. I did think I was a little better this morning. Jumped into my Widowed Village chat room for a pick-me-up but no one was there. I typed to myself a bit - got this out there - and later a couple people came into the room. I went into my 'supportive, earth mother' role (that's what my widower friend John calls me). I put my issues on the back burner and tried to support others. It was working. I was feeling better. And then I shared my issue with my son. Suddenly, both chatters were busy and had to leave the room. Ouch. Now I do realize that their leaving probably had absolutely nothing to do with me. Really, I do. But when you're emotions are raw you just react to things differently. So after yet another good cry and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to just write this. I won't be posting it on Facebook or WV. It's for me. I can be selfish sometimes. I deserve to be.