Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Six months

I was checking emails this morning when the tears started. Of all things, it was one of those local ads where you can get something at a greatly discounted price on that day only. What were they advertising?  It was an old-fashioned straight razor shave with the hot towel and all.  This was something Vern had wanted to try and I never got him over there.  Regrets ... oh boy, what a tear trigger.  In the midst of this meltdown I realized that today was the 22nd.  Six months ...

The tears continued on the drive into work. Seemed like every song that came on the radio had a memory attached to it.  Why didn't I just take the day off? But I knew that wouldn't have solved anything. I don't do well on those 'days off' days.  So I wiped away the tears in the parking lot and headed into the office. 

As I mentioned in a previous post, a friend had suggested that I think of the 22nd of each month as a Memory Day by pulling out an old photo of when we were young and healthy. So that's what I did before heading off to work (and that's the photo above). This photo was taken at Vern's parent's home during the summer of 1969. We drove to Sandusky, Ohio to tell them we were engaged and I can remember how very nervous I was. All seemed to go quite well during the visit, but as we headed out to the car to leave Vern's mom shared her true feelings. "She's so young." "This is so quick." "Why don't you wait awhile?"  I remember fighting back tears as Vern assured his mom that we loved each other, we didn't want to wait, we wouldn't wait. And his dad actually spoke up to support us.  A really nice memory that did help me throughout the day. 

It's Nevada Reading Week and I had volunteered to read a book to a first-grade class this afternoon. The way I felt this morning, I was wishing I hadn't agreed to do this - but it ended up being a feel-good moment. I enjoyed reading to the youngsters and especially enjoyed the hugs I received. It was a really special time.

I received some wonderful Facebook posts today - and a very special email from a friend I met a few years ago on NPR's "My Cancer".  Michael said exactly what I needed to hear today.  

I did an anonymous 'random act of kindness' at work today that made me feel very good and I had my yoga class tonight.  So there were some high points in this day after all.

I guess that's what healing is all about.  Let the tears flow when they need to and yet enjoy those unexpected special moments that come along throughout the day.

I did just that over the weekend when I went to the Run Away with the Cirque du Soleil at the Springs Preserve. It was cold and very windy, but what a fun time I had with those Cirque characters.


Anonymous said...

A lovely photo, Dianne, and a lovely memory on a difficult day. Thinking of you.

Jill Schacter said...

Love the picture. You two are adorable. xx

Anonymous said...

Hi Dianne - I like reading your posts. It lets me know how you are doing. We don't get to see each other much and I know I am not one of your close friends but I cherish the friendship we have. When I do see you and ask how you are doing, I know you say "fine" but I also know that inside you are not "fine" but I don't pursue the issue for fear of making you upset which I know you don't want to be at work. I appreciate the times you lended an ear to me regarding my son. I want you to know that I am here should you ever need an ear or someone to just hang with. Rick and I think of you and pray for you often. Cheryl Tritley

Anne said...

What a beautiful photo:-)

Reading back over your last couple of posts, there is never enough time. Our stories are quiet similar. I've just gone through the six month stage as well.

Anonymous said...

I can just imagine the fear in Vern's mother's eyes. ...smile... but he knew what she didn't. He had exactly the love he wanted and I'm sure there was never a time that she didn't have to admit that the two of you belonged together.Even though it will bring tears....and let them fall with no holds bared, I hope that every Memory Day brings a little joy to your life. And how wonderful i must have been to have all those little hugs from the kids on the day you needed it the most. Vern's gift to you that day.

janis said...

Hey Diane~
Janis form Indianapolis Indiana.
Found your blog & enjoy your writing.
I think you are very brave & I can feel the love you had with Vern.
What a beautiful blessing.
I like & agree what your friend said about a Memorial Day. Finding a good picture...sharing it and the memory.
I can't imagine what you have and are going through. All I can say is you have a gift to write, you seemed to be Blessed, and I am sure that Vern was very Blessed to have you.
Spending this day doing things like the Reading program is the best medicine you could have. How wonderful to get those kids hugs. How wonderful to read to kids♥
Writing a blog is very validating, rewarding, and satisfying to me. I started mine 3 years ago. My reasons are different, but the support & love, as well as the wonderful opportunity to make friends across this wonderful world is amazing to me. I would like to follow you if you don't mind. And please feel free to come on over to mine any time. Maybe I can make you smile.
Love to you across this country~
Have a great weekend.

Michael said...

Just popping in here to tell you I'm trolling your blog Dianne...it's Michael...just a different email account. Thanks for the mention...I'm here...ya know it!