Creating my full profile was harder than I thought it would be. Who am I? All those questions! What age range should I select? Maybe 57-77 ... 10 years on either side of me. My Vern would be 77 now. But I don't want an 'old' man unless it's Vern. So I accepted my guilt about that and clicked on 57-70. I'm sorry. That does make me feel bad.
And then those matches started appearing and I wasn't at all comfortable in being so judgmental. Some didn't have much on their profile so you really only had their photos to look at. I had to seek advice from a friend who said I needed to 'smile' at those I wanted to perhaps get to know and I could 'hide' the ones that didn't interest me. It was hard! So I smiled at 4 on the first day, and then 4 more the next day. Some of them viewed my profile but I didn't receive any smiles or messages.
OK ... that just fueled all of those negative self-esteem issues I struggle with and I was ready to call it quits. But I had a widow group meeting Sunday afternoon so I decided to wait to chat with a couple of friends who are using the site. They said I was over-reacting, it hadn't been long enough and asked what I had on my profile. They read it and both said it was "awful" because I put too much emphasis on my love for the Golden Knights and I had a statement in there that I wanted to go very slow. Sigh.
I slept on it and thought about changing it. But I am not on a dating site so I can date a different guy every night. That is not me at all. I'm on the site to see if there just might be someone special meant for me. And since I very much believe in synchronicity, I believe that it is possible that I could meet my new person on eHarmony. So I left it as is.
A batch of "what ifs" showed up and that was even harder to deal with. You have to decide right away whether to smile at them or click 'move on' in order to see the next one. These are people who are a bit outside of the preferences I selected. So I took a deep breath and did it. Sent smiles to 4 of them. Ya know, this all just feels a bit ridiculous at my age.
But then one sent me a message!! He's a widower! And we're talking. And he seems pretty darn nice ... very nice actually. He has a condo here in Henderson, but lives in Tucson. We'll meet the next time he's in NV.
Ya know this life I'm living right now is so far removed from what I expected to be living. I've had several conversations with Vern these past few days. Wanting some guidance about whether this dating stuff was really something I need to be doing. And I feel assured that he's going to help place the right person in my life. So I'm gonna stay and see what happens.