Monday, September 3, 2018

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Well after my last blog post I received several pleas from friends (both widowed and non-widowed) advising me to hand my money over to eHarmony and just take the leap. So I did on Friday.

Creating my full profile was harder than I thought it would be. Who am I?  All those questions!  What age range should I select?  Maybe 57-77 ... 10 years on either side of me. My Vern would be 77 now. But I don't want an 'old' man unless it's Vern.  So I accepted my guilt about that and clicked on 57-70. I'm sorry. That does make me feel bad.

And then those matches started appearing and I wasn't at all comfortable in being so judgmental. Some didn't have much on their profile so you really only had their photos to look at. I had to seek advice from a friend who said I needed to 'smile' at those I wanted to perhaps get to know and I could 'hide' the ones that didn't interest me. It was hard!  So I smiled at 4 on the first day, and then 4 more the next day.  Some of them viewed my profile but I didn't receive any smiles or messages.

OK ... that just fueled all of those negative self-esteem issues I struggle with and I was ready to call it quits. But I had a widow group meeting Sunday afternoon so I decided to wait to chat with a couple of friends who are using the site. They said I was over-reacting, it hadn't been long enough and asked what I had on my profile. They read it and both said it was "awful" because I put too much emphasis on my love for the Golden Knights and I had a statement in there that I wanted to go very slow.  Sigh.

I slept on it and thought about changing it. But I am not on a dating site so I can date a different guy every night. That is not me at all. I'm on the site to see if there just might be someone special meant for me. And since I very much believe in synchronicity, I believe that it is possible that I could meet my new person on eHarmony. So I left it as is.

A batch of "what ifs" showed up and that was even harder to deal with. You have to decide right away whether to smile at them or click 'move on' in order to see the next one. These are people who are a bit outside of the preferences I selected. So I took a deep breath and did it. Sent smiles to 4 of them. Ya know, this all just feels a bit ridiculous at my age.

So this morning I was thinking about just shutting it down. I don't need to date. I don't need to have someone to love in this season of my life. I can do this alone thing for another 8 years ... and another and another and another.

But then one sent me a message!!  He's a widower!  And we're talking. And he seems pretty darn nice ... very nice actually.  He has a condo here in Henderson, but lives in Tucson. We'll meet the next time he's in NV.

That is, if he really is all that he's telling me. I believe him at this point.  But yes, it scares me that you really just don't know with this online stuff.

Ya know this life I'm living right now is so far removed from what I expected to be living.  I've had several conversations with Vern these past few days. Wanting some guidance about whether this dating stuff was really something I need to be doing. And I feel assured that he's going to help place the right person in my life.  So I'm gonna stay and see what happens.


Sharon said...

I love this! I’m there. I’m right there!

Kathie Scott said...

I’m glad you’re doing this Dianne. Not because “it’s time” but because i can tell you are ready..mostly. When I ventured out it was with the thought that I was in control and could say yea or nay. I was lucky to find someone that I think Jim put in place for me. His name is also Jim but that’s where the obvious similarities end. But it’s amazing how many little things have come up that are so Jim #1. You’re beautiful and smart and you will make wise choices along the way. You will probably find yourself being brutally honest with a take it or leave it attitude. After all...we have had our one great love.

Sherry McDermott said...

Wow! I'm the same age, although my JR has only been gone 5 years around the coming holidays! I'm at that in-between point, not quite where you are yet. But I've been 'thinking about, thinking about' dating again. I said I wouldn't, that if there was someone else for me, I'd just meet him 'living my life', but now, wondering if I might want help. I met JR through a newspaper dating column (before computers were this popular). From my experience dating in the late 90's, I have two comments for you...TRUST YOUR GUT! And be HONEST, (with yourself too) then if they aren't agreeable to your expectations, at least you find out early. At this age we don't have time to waste. I will always believe there's another 'match' out there. We've had a grand love story, but why not believe in a sequel? I watch Hallmark channel a lot, and they show a lot of sequels, encourages my belief! Good luck and please keep us posted. ~Shaye