I'll leave all 8 years worth of "A Myeloma Widow's Journey" posts here on Blogspot - for me to reference and for any new widows to find - and will start a new blog over on my biz web site.
Here's where you'll find it: http://www.tendingyourheartandsoul.com/
I need to spend some time getting that site updated with my 2019 Soul Restoration Retreats and the new blog and will post a note in here once it's ready to go.
So ... let me just assure everyone that I'm ok. Yesterday was pretty awful and I don't want to ever go through something like that again. Many, many thanks for your posts here and on Facebook. It helped immensely to feel your support and love while at such a low point.
After what happened, many advised that I no longer emphasize that I'm widowed on my social media. OK. I'll give that a try where I can. I've updated my eHarmony profile and it is now very bland; it does not give a glimpse into who I really am like the old one did. (Maybe I made it bland on purpose because I really don't think the online dating thing is for me.) I've changed my Facebook settings from public to friends only and will use my Tending Your Heart and Soul Facebook page to advertise my retreats to the general public.
The graphic I chose to use on this post makes me smile. For a rather surprising reason. You see, Jeff - my eHarmony scammer - sometimes used 'Sunshine' as a term of endearment. I now know that's a pretty common thing for scammers to do. But on this morning, after a mile-long walk with only a few tears shed along the way, I think that graphic is my closure on that whole ugly episode.
I learned a lot ... about scammers, about what to share on a dating site, about how to respond to questions from suitors, and - most importantly - I learned a lot about myself.
My lack of self-esteem is what allowed him to manipulate me, to make me feel that I was lucky this handsome, high-ranking Army guy had chosen me out of all of the options he had available. And that put me in real danger.
Never again.
I know that I am worthy of being loved again ... loved for who I am and for all I have to give to a relationship. I am working hard to believe every word of that with my whole being.
I believe there is someone out there for me. Searching for me, waiting for me. And when we find one another it will be glorious.
I don't think I need to search for him. "I can respectfully wait my turn." And those words will be explained in my first blog post on my biz site. Stay tuned.
8 comments:
I am ridiculously proud of you.
Big hug for you Dianne.
Sending hugs Dianne!
You’ve got this! You are a BRAVE GIRL! Love ya, Mary
You are amazing. Find your bliss.
I don't know anyone who has your grit, drive, purpose, poise, & grace! I know plenty who have some of it but none that are the whole package. Lady, we are all "enough" but you are way more than enough. I read your words & they explain my heart so perfectly. This phase of our journey is uncharted territory. We are bound to stumble & fall. We are also determined to get up & keep moving forward. You hold the light up high so we can see.
Haters gonna hate, scammers gonna scam, Brave Widowed Folks gonna thrive with joyful hearts!
Oh Corlene - what a gift your words are to me. Thank you. I'm going to add them to that new journal I've started where I'm listing the qualities of the person I want to come into my life, along with what I will bring to a new relationship.
I felt I was on top of all of these feelings about what happened but they are still bringing tears so I have more work to do. Your words will remind me that I can do that work. Bless you, friend.
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