No weather impacts, but did have some dust devils and heavy wind gusts along those barren stretches of highway. They didn't impact me nearly as much as the semi I was following. It was a bit scary seeing him weave back and forth across the road until I realized what had caused it when I hit it. I passed him at the first available moment. Grateful that my new CRV has fabulous 'get up and go' as I learned whenever I was passing a semi, camper and car altogether. Passing on a 2-lane road has always scared me, so when I do it just picture me white-knuckled, holding my breath with pedal to the metal. Zoom! 90mph in a flash! Maybe that's why my hands and arms are sore today.
You see, Vern was always the driver. Always. And I was a rather excellent navigator, if I do say so myself. Well ... he might have said I was an excellent navigator AND random stopper. I kept us on the right roads, but often yelled 'stop!' and he knew that just meant he needed to find a place to pull over so I could take a closer look at something or pull out my camera and take a photo.
So I missed him on this trip. A lot. I couldn't rest my head on his shoulder. Or hold his hand. Just that constant contact and touch, as we always did when we were in the car together. I had to do all of the driving, stay alert ... because he was not there. Well I did do one thing we used to do together ... sing loudly along with all of the songs on the radio. Thank you, Sirius, for being available the whole time.
I can do hard things. I know that. I've done that. Many, many times. But I don't think this alone life will ever get 'easy'. I miss being cherished, loved, missed, valued. Sure, I share on Facebook and here in my blog. I share a lot. Often, too much. But believe it or not, I do not share everything. Not at all everything. And that hurts my heart as I face the fact that this is my life. This. is. it. So I have to find a way to get used to it. Somehow.
|This was a slide used by one of the Brave Girls Symposium presenters. |
Not widow-related. But it sure speaks well for me today.
An important note to my married friends .... Yes, I admit that I do get a tiny pang of jealousy whenever you post your 'together' photos but please keep taking and posting those photos - lots of them! Treasure each and every moment you have together. Please. do. this.
Brave Girl Symposium was amazing. I learned a lot ... a lot that will help me when today's little pity party takes a hike. I'll write a blog post about it. But not today. I have always advised my widowed friends to "feel what you feel when you feel it" and that applies to me at almost 8 years out as well as to someone who has just joined our widowed tribe. It will pass. It always does.
If you'd like to see some photos from my trip you can view them on my Facebook page. Don't think you even need to be 'on' Facebook since my profile is public. Here's a link to my page and just click on Photos and go to the 'Road Trip to Boise and Brave Girl Symposium' album. https://www.facebook.com/DianneWest.Nevada