Friday, July 5, 2013

Random Thoughts on a Long Holiday Weekend

Holidays are still not good days for me. Guess it's just that my 'aloneness' seems emphasized and I find myself missing Vern more on these days. So I do my best to just ignore them. Stay inside, no TV, let the day pass unnoticed. Almost. And maybe this one was rough because it was just a couple of days after my return from Camp Widow. A bit of a Camp crash perhaps.

Attending Camp as the volunteer coordinator is a very different experience than when I attended as a camper and only did a little volunteering. But I feel this is what I need to be doing. Giving back. Thinking of others. It's good for me and I think I'm good for it, too. And I think I'll get better at managing my time as I get more Camps under my belt.

The best part of Camp for me has always been the connections made with others. And I met some wonderful new people in San Diego. Some from Widowed Village, some not. And some amazing local widows who just wanted to volunteer and not attend the workshops. Wow - what a blessing they were! I'm going to need to find some of those wids in Tampa.

It's summer in Vegas and it is HOT HOT HOT. No outside work on my horizon. Well, maybe just a little bit of yard trimming at daybreak or sunset. I noticed today that the lantana has already spread out onto the sidewalk. Amazing that anything will grow when it's this hot. It's 7pm and 108. Ugh.

So here we are ... a nice break before beginning work on the March Camp volunteers ... what to do with that time?  I'm still working, but I need to have things to keep me busy on the weekends so I don't revert back to my hermit stage. I think perhaps it's time to focus on me just a bit. I'm sleeping better (for the most part) but my eating habits are horrible. I skip meals, don't drink much water and have Blizzards for dinner. So I'm going to try to get back to drinking the required amount of water daily and eating throughout the day. And I'm going to pull the clothes off the treadmill and start walking. OK - don't hold me to any of that ... but I'm going to try.

I'm always encouraging other widows to try new things, to step outside their comfort zone to find things that can bring them joy. Some are easier to do than others, but it's important to just try. If it's not a good fit, then you don't need to do it again or even finish it. But maybe ... just maybe ... you'll find something that you love to do and all the trials will be worth it.

I took a 1-day photography class at the Springs Preserve last month. It was hard going alone. It was hard eating lunch alone in the cafe. No one offered for me to join them and I'm not one who would ever ask. But I sucked it up and did it instead of leaving. And the afternoon portion of the class was the best part.

I signed up months ago for the online Brave Girl & LifeBook art classes but my volunteer work got in the way and I've not touched them. Thankfully, they're available through the end of the year so I'm going to jump back into those. I'm not an artist by any means, but I like how I feel when I'm doing some of this creative, multimedia stuff. And it includes journaling and life lessons, too. So I'm going to schedule art time each week.

I just signed up for The Chopra Center's "Awaken to Happiness" 8-week online course. It's free and sounded like it might have some good self-reflective stuff in it. We can all use more happiness in our lives, right? Especially us widows. Here's a link if you're interested in that:   I also signed up for their next 21-Day Meditation Challenge; this one is on "Miraculous Relationships".   I enjoyed the "Creating Abundance" challenge so we'll see if this one speaks to me.

I'll end with my Camp Widow taxi driver story.  He picked me up at the airport and asked whether I was there for vacation or a conference. I shared the Camp Widow story. He then asked if I was dating and I shared that I didn't plan to date or remarry. I was lectured the rest of the ride to the hotel about how I needed to have someone else in my life, it's not right to be alone, why on earth would I say I wouldn't date, how could I not want someone else in my life.  I tried to explain, really I did. But he would have none of it. Thankfully, it's a short distance to the hotel and I was rescued by the hotel bellman opening up my door. My goodness, that was unexpected. But after I escaped it did make me smile.


GowitheFlo said...

I've never been to a Camp Widow, and being an introvert, may have isolated unnecessarily. But I created key connections with fellow widow bloggers. Whatever path we choose to heal, what matters is that we feel understood, necessary, and cheered on.

Now eight years out, I'm living on happier shores looking back. Yes, I live alone, with a long distance romantic relationship. Probably most important is my friendship with myself, still building.

That feistiness you show, that trial and error, that self examination, that support both given and received, will get you to happy shores.

-a Myeloma widow

Kathi said...

I love your blog Dianne.... I'll visit when I have time and read some of your past entries... Yes, it's nice to be able to look back on... and remember... where you've been... and where you are going.... gives wonderful insights and perspective.... hugs!

Sue said...

I just caught your blog -- one day after "the day". My thoughts & prayers are still with you as you keep going on your way. Every widow longs to hear those words, "I'll never forget him". Those words literally sparkle. What a precious shining gift on such a sacred day.

Anonymous said...

Are you dating yet? Words to hurt people by. No and I don't want to. I'm happy by myself
I really enjoy my own company. I don't want the responsibility for anyone ever again.

I was married. Twice and that's enough.