Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Happy Birthday, My Love

I've taken our "special" days off work since Vern died. It has just always felt like the right thing to do and allowed me to feel however I needed to feel on his birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, his death date. I've not done anything special on those days. Stayed home. Inside. In my jammies. Quiet days filled with memories. And tears.

I'm grateful that I started this blog. While I haven't been a daily writer, I've still captured my feelings along the way. And it's helpful to be able to read back to earlier times. To let the words take me back to those first days, those first months, the first year. To see that time HAS made a difference. The missing him remains the same. Always will. The wound is still there. But it's healing.

Tomorrow is Vern's birthday. And I'm going into work. I thought about taking the day off again. But I think I can do this. His first birthday in Heaven was on Super Bowl Sunday; last year it was a Monday. But with it being a Wednesday this year ... well, somehow that felt reason enough to give it a try. You see, I work hard to keep my sorrow to myself. Especially at work. And I'm feeling stronger in a lot of ways, so I guess this is a test of sorts. Let's see whether I pass it.

Happy Birthday, Vern. I will always love you.


Susie Hemingway said...

I will be thinking of you today dear Dianne as I go about my chores. Hoping that you manage well with your tender heart and sweet loving memories of your dearest Vern. There are these special days and many more besides when it is not easy at all, but we are managing to live with our grief and wonderful memories are we not and helping those recently bereaved. Be especially kind to yourself today dear lady xoxox

Anonymous said...

Hi Dianne, I too am glad you have this blog. I am sorry that I haven't been here as often as I used to be. That is not to say, however, that I think of you and Vern often. I check in on your facebook page a couple times a month and see that you are doing what you do so well, driving on and helping other. I find hope in your strength and facing the world. We all will end up either leaving this earthly life or being left behind. I can't imagine the loss. But you give so much hope to those of us who have yet to face it. And of course to those who are facing it now. There is no doubt in my mind or heart that Vern is with you every second of the day. I hope God will send beautiful dreams to you. Keep well and know the two of you have not been forgotten.