Monday, February 18, 2013

A little ...

It's been a long weekend, with my normal Friday off plus the holiday today. As usual, I get to this point of my weekend - where I realize that I must set the alarm for 4:30am and be prepared to head back to work - and I regret that I haven't accomplished all of the things I think I should have.

Actually, I've done more this weekend than usual ... cleared some piles, organized some things, got caught up on some paperwork, got the Geek Squad in here for the tv ... but it's also been a weekend where my feelings have been raw, where I've allowed probably innocent comments to hurt me, where I feel I have no true friends who really 'get' me, where I really want to just disappear. And in that rawness I believe no one would even notice. or care. or miss me.

I've never once thought of suicide in the wake of my grief. My faith carries me through the rough times I face. I know that tomorrow is a new day and I will put on that happy face and make it all work. That's what I do.  But others who are faced with those relentless grief demons often do not have the ability to fight them off.

An online friend wrote the following after learning of a widow's suicide. Her words touched me deeply and I saved them.  With the Mindy McCready tragedy in the news, I thought sharing my friend's words might help to remind us to listen for those "little" opportunities that come our way ... and to give just "a little" to perhaps make a big difference in someone's life.

I didn’t know her really, yet the story of her death…. 
Sadness is so often nearer to us than we know.
But what if we did recognize the sadness?
Whatever could we do? 
Whatever could we even say? 
We so easily disregard the power of “a little”. 
In the meantime, darkness can be as close to us as the thickness of a wall.
Doubt can live next door to us and we disbelieve it does.
Our own certainty feels weak so we don’t offer our little strength at all.
The big disregard of so many little things. 
Meanwhile despair disguises itself well. 
Hidden in a little disregard. 

But what if? 
What if we didn’t hesitate “a little”? 
What if we didn’t hold back “a little”?
What if we did “a little”? 
What if we said “a little”?
What if we dared “a little”? 
What if we acted when we got that “little” nudge? 
What if we really understood the power of “a little”?

Would our little make a big difference to someone? 
Could it matter--would it help--even just “a little”.
Our little placed in the hands of God. 
But I only read about someone who I knew a little.
~Sue Burke Lombard


Maria said...

Funny for some reason I just clicked on your blog out of no where. I would miss you, I do miss you. You are loved!

Kerrie said...

You are loved, you would be missed and set-backs seem on-going when you are widowed. All of this week I have wanted to share things that are happening with hubby and then remember he is not here. Everyone's pain is their own and though we share a circumstance, we can never really know how much pain a person is going through or estimate how much time will pass before some relief is known. You have done wonderfully through your loss and you WILL get through it. Much love and hugs, Kerrie

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

You are a special person, God loves you and you will have better days.

I lost my dear husband and best friend in Dec. 2012, after 43 years of marriage. Some days the grief is so heavy I just want to hibernate.

I have found a local Christian widows group, went to the first meeting last month and am looking forward to the next meeting on the 15th. These women enveloped me in love, they had twinkles in their eyes and they are a sisterhood of survivors.

God is my strength every single day. I cry out to him from my heart with words and many tears. I miss my husband terribly and have come to love him even more since he left this earth. Knowing he is with God is great comfort to me, but his leaving has left a huge void in my life. I am taking things one day at a time.

Love and hugs to you ~ You will be a survivor and so will I.

FlowerLady Lorraine