Sunday, June 17, 2012

Fathers Day Thoughts

Vern was such a fabulous father, and on this day set aside to honor fathers, I'm recalling so many special times we had over the years. I know this day is very hard for my widow sisters with young children, children who did not have the opportunity to get to know their wonderful fathers. I hurt deeply for them.

But, honestly, I can assure you there is never a right time to lose someone you love. I was 59 and had 41 years with Vern when he died. Believe me ... it was not enough time. We had a lot of life left to live. So many plans and dreams for our future. And Jer deserved to be able to show Vern all that he will become ... will he marry? ... will there be grandchildren? 

My parents are gone, so are Vern's ... oh my goodness ... I just looked at the dates and realized that Vern, Jer and I were each 33 years old when our Dads died.  I wonder if that is meaningful ....?

I've been spending some time with introspection since my birthday last month. What is my purpose? What do I have to offer to this world?  It feels like what I need to be doing at this point in my life. And along the way I've learned to appreciate those very long and difficult cancer years. Not only did they allow me to truly live our marriage vows, they showed me how strong I am ... because of Vern. I hate that he had to suffer so. I do not have the answer to that big question of 'WHY'?  But I know that Vern does ... now ... and that is good enough for me until I join him.

"The truth is you and I are in control of only two things, how we prepare for what might happen, and how we respond to what just happened. The moment when things actually do happen belongs to God."  ... from "Produced by Faith" by DeVon Franklin


Kerrie said...

Dianne, this is so, so touching! I love everything you wrote and can identify with it all....sending hugs, love and blessings to a wonderful wife and friend! ♥

Susie Hemingway said...

Fathers day was tough, usually seeing the 'boys' and making a special fuss of Hamada.But no visitors that day as I was still unwell. Hamada was such a good father to them both,sweet memories of this time when they were young.

I thought a lot about him on this special day for Fathers but then just like you I do everyday. All very best wishes for your continued healing xxx

Anonymous said...

It has been so long since I have been here, but it's not to say I don't think of the two of you often and are still in my prayers.

What a beautiful picture to post. I had gotten on here today to see if I could find that same picture. I knew this was wedding month but couldn't remember exactly what date, but mostly , I couldn't remember what flowers you had that day. although i knew they were yellow and white. Sigh.......what memories. good to wee pics of your Widow Camp trip and to see what joy you all bring to each other.

The tears are cleansing and opens the heart for joy to get in. Drive on girl, you are an inspiration to many.


GowitheFlo said...

Like you, I lost my husband to Multiple Myeloma after a horrific 3 year fight. I'm so glad you continue to post here. I enjoyed reading of your first solo travel. I so identify with its challenge and delight. Since my own husband's death seven years ago, I've logged many miles on my own. I've also felt the struggle and reward of coming into my own without him.

You may enjoy reading my own blog (just click on my name) where I share my journey seven years out. I'm finding introspection so necessary for a new identity and purpose, post marriage and post widowhood. Writing my story has really held me accountable to move on. Easier said than done!!