Thursday, December 22, 2011

The 22nd snuck up on me ...

It's been nearly 3 weeks since I've written here. I've thought about writing a blog post but just haven't felt like it. Just like so very many other things in my life. I'm really good at ignoring things I don't feel like doing. But I really have been busy ... new job, still doing old job, a big meeting/holiday event at work, clearing out my old office and storage room at work, Jer's graduation ... some really good moments, and yet trying to avoid the holidays without anyone really noticing. The tree went up weeks ago, but there are still no ornaments. I opened the box. I tried. But there are 41 years of memories in that box and I'm just not able to do that. Yet. Maybe next year.

I'm off work now until January 2, so I didn't set an alarm for this morning. Climbed into bed around midnight and actually got nearly 8 hours sleep with only 2 wake-ups. That's unheard of for me. My norm is about 4 hours with 1 wake-up.  But I awoke this morning feeling kind of melancholy.  I have no food in the frig, the house is a mess, my Keurig stopped working, my laptop went bonkers. I actually hollered out loud when the laptop snafu happened. "Enough!!!!!"  And then I noticed the date. Ah. OK. Now I get it. It's been 15 months since I lost Vern. 1 year and 3 months. 456 days. Today. Yeah, the 22nd snuck up on me.

So I just accepted today was going to be one of THOSE days. Tomorrow will be better.

And there ARE good things happening in my life ... I know that and I appreciate that.
  • Jeremy graduated from the Nevada School of Massage Therapy and will be starting a Master Bodyworker program in January. He's finally found his passion. 
  • I love my new job and recognize how lucky I am to have this new, amazingly kind boss and a new set of co-workers I'm getting to know better.
  • I'm writing positive posts in Widowed Village, hoping to help others who are struggling; and I volunteer there on weekends processing new members. 
  • I share posts on Facebook and Pinterest and play Words With Friends - and I joke and laugh. 
  • I enjoyed the Michael Jackson 'Immortal' Cirque show with a couple of friends last week. 
  • Someone at work has sent me anonymous gifts each day for the "Twelve Days of Christmas", a wonderfully kind thing to do that brought me joy.
I'm trudging along, putting on a pretty darn good front, if I say so myself, feeling that no one really wants to hear that this is still not easy.
So today was tough and I stayed in my jammies all day long. I ordered pizza delivery for dinner and I'll start fresh tomorrow. Oil change for one of the cars, grocery shopping, maybe I'll even put up one of my nativity scenes. Vern knew how much I enjoyed them and bought me a couple over the years. Think I may look for that box before I head to bed.


Anonymous said...

This is my third Christmas and the first year I couldn't open the box of memories either. I went out and bought simple generic ornaments for the tree I did not want to put up. I still have not had the courage to open the boxes but still use the new things and some added ones from my travels. I wouldn't bother at all except for my grandchildren. We get through the holidays the best way we know how and that is different for each one of us. Please know you are often in my thoughts. Kathie Scott

Teri said...

Hugs to you, this holiday season. I like the quote you posted, I have done that many times over the past 26 months. A "pajama day" is sometimes necessary. "Gratitude" for the good things and simple things, is what keeps me moving forward

Susie Hemingway said...

It's not easy is it Dianne but we must continue. Sending love at Christmastime and hoping you find a little joy and some peace during the holidays.
Lots of love Susie x

janis said...

Love and prayers.