It's been nearly six weeks since I wrote anything in here. A very busy six weeks. I spent 9 days in Toronto for Camp Widow, a Golden Knights/Maple Leafs hockey game and my first visit to the Hockey Hall of Fame and 25 days with Jim (mostly in Pahrump but we did come in town for a hockey game and a couple of my widow group meetings). That left me with just 7 days at my house - for hair and dental appointments and hockey games. Today finds me in Henderson. Jim is in Pahrump. And I really miss being there with him.
I came home on Tuesday for a hockey game (and WOW! what a game that was!!) and to spend some time trying to clean up my house so I could invite Jim & Sheila inside. If you're a long-time reader you're aware that I dealt with my grief by letting my home fall into disrepair and accumulating a lot of clutter. The old Dianne (before Vern died) was never a clean freak, but certainly never lived like this. The 'after loss' Dianne looked just fine to the public eye. I was working and volunteering and traveling and seemed to be doing a pretty good job of living this new alone life. But behind my home's closed door ... I was a mess and I let my home become a physical example of how I was really feeling.
I had planned for 2018 to finally be the year I attacked it all. I felt ready to get rid of things no longer needed, to organize what was left and then get busy on the needed painting and renovating. But instead I spent so much time dealing with issues of the heart. Do I want to share my life with someone? Do I want to date? And you all know the rest of that story.
So here I am now. I am happy, really happy. I love spending time with Jim. We're cooking and cleaning and shopping together. I'm meeting some of his friends; he's meeting some of mine. And we're having a lot of fun, too. We even got a pedicure together (my first!). But there's this messy little house in Henderson that really does needs my attention. And there's my upcoming Soul Restoration Retreats I must prepare for. And that's all going to take time. Time away from Jim.
So just as I sit here worrying about how I'm going to possibly be able to make all of this work Josh Groban's song "Granted" comes on and reminds me of what is most important. I don't know how much time I have left on this planet but I do know I sure don't want to waste any of it. So I'm heading back across the mountain pass tomorrow. To be with Jim.