Oh ... and my anonymous Christmas Eve angel who has touched my heart by sprinkling glitter on my doorstep since my very first Christmas without Vern has left me this year, too. Christmas Eve Sparkles
Bah-humbug.
No, not really. I will forever be grateful for that special angel. And I love the true meaning of Christmas - but we have strayed pretty far away from that IMO.
UPDATE 12/26/16! There were sparkles out in the street at the end of our driveway ... where they were that very first time just days after Vern died. I just didn't see them until I backed the car out of the driveway today. A valuable lesson learned. How many gifts do we not see because we're not looking in the right place for them?
So ... I'm trying to figure out how to get a handle on all of this other 'stuff'. Some of it is just me ... and at my age I'm probably just going to have to learn to live with it. I've always had a self-esteem issue and it doesn't take much for me to feel 'less than' or invisible. An innocent posting showing appreciation to others but omitting me is what led to this latest thing. I'm 65 for crying out loud. Why do I care? I don't do the things I do to be recognized. And why does this take me back to my early days of grief when I just wanted to run away to a place where I knew no one.
But that's unrealistic. Unfortunately. So, instead, I'm spending the day in the Widowed Village chat room ... making sure that anyone who pops in on Christmas knows there is someone else around to greet them, to hear them, to care.
And I'm writing this blog post. And I've made a list of the online classes I signed up for but haven't started - and have actually started one of them. And I'm organizing my desk. Little steps forward.
I stay active on FB and Instagram because I'm trying to promote my business but when I look at how few people 'like' or respond to anything I post it's pretty obvious that most of my 'friends' are definitely not 'following' me or wanting my posts to show up in their news feed. And, yes, I added that little fact to my pity party yesterday, too. Sigh. When you're feeling down, life just seems to pile on. Or at least that's how it feels.
So ... can I make this business thing work? I've felt called to do this, believe it's my life's work and that it honors Vern, but how much effort do I want to put into it at this stage of my life? I honestly don't know.
What I do know is that I'm very excited about the two small, intimate retreats I have scheduled for March in Folly Beach, SC. The first one is filled and the second one just 1/3 filled. I'm buying and planning and creating some lovely things and can't wait to meet these wonderful women and share the life-changing Soul Restoration curriculum with them at this beautiful beach house. Will I make any money from these retreats? If I fill both of them, I hope to cover my expenses. Will I offer retreats and classes here in southern Nevada? I'm not yet sure about that. I need to find a location I can afford that 'feels' right. So I'm putting that on my vision board. Oh yeah, that's another thing - I plan to hold vision board workshops as part of my business, too. So if any of this interests you - or you know anyone who might be interested - please share my business links and sign up for emails about future events.
It does feel good to just write this all out and put things into proper perspective. When I look back at all I've handled since Vern was diagnosed in 2006, this is really so insignificant. I know I've got this, no matter how it all turns out.
