Tuesday, January 26, 2016

My Chapter Two

OK, don't go getting all excited.  
I don't have a new man in my life. 

You see, in the widowed community, Chapter 2 refers to a new love or remarriage after loss. I know of some really beautiful Chapter 2s.  And it seems that most all of my not-yet-repartnered widowed friends want a Chapter 2 in the physical form. Not all want to remarry, but they want and need to have love in their lives again.  I get that … I just don’t want that.

So if they can be happy and fulfilled with their Chapter 2s - while still holding their lost loves in their heart - shouldn't I be able to do the same even though I choose to not date or remarry?  Yes, I think so.

My Chapter 1 was oh so beautiful and amazing, but it ended when my Vern died.
I don't want the end of my story to just be an appendix.
I want my own Chapter 2.

And I think I can have a pretty darn good one with just Dianne ... getting to know her better, accepting her flaws, appreciating her strengths, exploring new things, traveling, creating, being kind, sharing, learning, growing, loving.

I was asked to be a teacher in Brave Girl University last fall, to focus on mentoring widows. I was so honored and excited … and yet I still haven't submitted my classes. A big fail on my part. My insecurities, feeling 'less than' when looking at all of the other teachers and courses, being uncomfortable seeing myself on a video, thinking that no one will be interested in what I have to say, afraid of failing ... oh yeah, I've beaten myself up over this. And just when I had a course ready to submit, my laptop crashed and burned and I lost it all. Was that a sign I should throw in the towel?  I thought so for a bit, especially when someone else submitted a course nearly identical to what I had prepared and lost.

But then I realized that I do have something to share. I've lived this life. The caregiver years, Vern's death and these years alone. And I have a different perspective from many on how to face these ‘alone’ years. What I've experienced may help someone else, may give them hope that they will survive their own heartbreaking loss. And if even just one person needs it, then it will be worth it. So I’m back at it.

I wanted to come up with a name for this endeavor - a brand of sorts to wrap all of the things I'm doing under one umbrella: this widow blog, Brave Girl University, Grief Diaries, Soaring Spirits, a new blog for my ‘alone’ life, positive stuff.  Each time I’d come up with a possibility and check it out on Google I’d find multiple others had already thought of it. And then this morning Chapter 2 popped into my head.  I Googled it (adding the word widow to the search) and everything referenced dating and remarriage. But there weren’t any Facebook pages or blogs with that title. 

So there it is … My Chapter Two (or perhaps My Chapter, Too?)

I’m on a mission to create a new – or enhanced – definition of what that can mean for widowed folk. Something like:

Finding their life’s purpose and fulfillment
after the loss of their beloved spouse/partner

Stay tuned ….

P.S.  If you'd like to check out Brave Girl University, use diannewest as your coupon code and you'll get a FREE 30-day trial!  Just go to http://my.bravegirlsclub.com/, click on "Enroll in Brave Girl University" at the top of the page and insert the code.



Suz said...

Still totally resonate with what you are saying, Dianne. I don't want an appendix either. Chapter One was plenty and I have my hands full with myself!

Dana said...

LOVE this! Can't wait!

Ann said...

This is such wonderful news, Dianne! I have been reading your blog for a while and always check for new posts. I, too, had a long, happy marriage to the love of my life until cancer took him from me 5 years ago. Like you, I envision my Chapter 2 to be a fulfilling life on my own. Your writing really resonates with me and I'm so grateful to you for sharing. You are an inspiration!

A Myeloma Widow's Journey said...

Thank you so much, Ann. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way and it helps so much to find there are a few kindred souls out there.

Chesley said...

Hi Dianne! I am not a widow, but rather a divorcee...none the less, mourning the loss of a love is still there.
I found your blog through BGU, and I just wanted to encourage you to go through with your videos! You ARE beautiful, what you have to share is so VALUABLE to the rest of us....even if we are not widowed. Get out that camera, squelch your fear for it is only holding you back. We already love you, and getting to 'meet' you, so to say, on video, will only be a real treat for the rest of us. It's not about what we look like - I think most of us are well beyond that by now, it's about WHO we are, and our valuable contribution, which I know you have.
What are you afraid of? Letting some imperfection show? We embrace imperfection! We connect with that! We ALL are imperfect. Welcome to my world! I really hope you put your class out there soon, Dianne, I think some girls will really benefit by what you have to offer.
God Bless you, dear heart,

A Myeloma Widow's Journey said...

Thank you so much, Sue ... your post was exactly what I needed to hear. I recorded my intro video while on vacation at the beach and I've submitted that. Finally! Finishing up my lessons and those will be going up soon. I'm generally a pretty positive person but I need to remember to apply that thinking to myself instead of just others. THANK YOU!