Friday, October 4, 2013

A dream ... finally

I honestly don't recall the last time I remembered a dream. Before Vern got sick I had vivid dreams and remembered them all. But during the cancer years I didn't sleep much and when I did it was for very short periods of time. He needed me a lot during the nights and I guess I never had enough time to get into that 'dream' sleep.  My body apparently got used to that and it became my routine even after Vern died.

I've envied my widow friends who share amazing dreams or visits from their lost loves and wished that I could have that experience.  And - finally - it has happened.  I awoke this morning remembering a little visit from my Vern. A soft voice in my ear of love, support, reassurance. And a reminder that he is with me always, holding me up whenever I need it.

You see, it's been a rough week.  Can't share details, but an old wound was reopened and it hurt. Bad. I didn't expect that it would. Thought that I had settled all of that. Sent that person off to Pluto, thanks to Brave Girl Camp, where their actions could no longer hurt me. And it was working. But this action got through. And I cried. And I thought very seriously about retiring immediately and running away. Somewhere. Anywhere. To a place where I knew no one and no one could ever hurt me again.

And I missed Vern. Deeply.

Really needed to talk to him about this. He always had such an amazing ability to understand an issue completely and to be able to offer suggestions to help me find my way through the rough spots.

And last night he did that again in my dream. I am grateful. I am blessed.

And I've now sent this person to a galaxy in the Hubble Ultra Deep Field ...  I googled to find what the farthest distance was from Earth, since Pluto obviously didn't cut it.


Joyce said...

Hugs Dianne and I sincerely hope that person stays in the Hubble Field Galaxy forever.

Kathi said...

Diane your experiences so often mirror my own. I understand more than you could know... I am happy you got comfort from Vern in your dream. I'm still waiting for that too... I also am used to not sleeping due to the cancer years, not to mention dreaming.... Your Vern and my Edd are just in the next room... so much closer than we think ..... Love to you and hugs...

ShelleyB said...

I think it's awesome that Vern can comfort you in your dreams. So far when I dream of Daryl it's always very negative and he is always very sick. I pray for the day when my dreams are sweet and comforting. Sending lots of hugs your way.