Thursday, December 23, 2010

What was lost, has been found

This hasn't been an easy week, but today seems to be starting off on a more positive note so I'm hopeful the fog has cleared for awhile. Still have a chest cold, but the cough seems to have improved a bit this morning ... I made it through the 3 month anniversary date ... the rain has finally left southern Nevada and the sun is shining ... and I haven't cried yet today.  All positive signs, I think.

I hadn't ventured outside the house since returning from vacation. I just couldn't keep the tears at bay and with all of the rain and gloomy weather I just huddled myself inside. But on Tuesday I had to force myself to open that front door.  Social Security needed a copy of the death certificate and I had a certified letter waiting for me at the post office. I put it off until the afternoon and finally kicked myself out the door. As luck would have it, I arrived at the Social Security office at 4:03 ... and they lock the doors at 4:00. Their hours are 8-5, but I guess they want to ensure their employees get to walk out the door at 5:00.  Nice, huh?  It was a bit frustrating, given it was pouring rain, but nothing I could do about it.  So I headed out to find the post office that held my special Christmas greeting from the IRS. (It wasn't at the little post office right around the corner from my house.)  The clouds were hanging very low and the drive along Horizon Ridge was just beautiful. Tried to take a photo, but I wasn't able to capture the beauty. The post office lot was packed, of course, and the line reached to the door. I knew it wouldn't get any better, so I just mustered up some patience and waited.  It only took about 10 minutes for me to reach a clerk ... who told me I was in the wrong line. Uhhhh ... there was only one line coming in through the door. No, there's a special little spot for picking up things. Who knew? So I headed over there to wait some more. While waiting, I couldn't help but hear the conversations going on around me. Some older folks were quite perturbed with a woman who had a whole pile of packages, cards, etc. taking up space at the "single service" line (no, I hadn't seen this line from my spot way in the back either). They were being rather hateful and when the woman finally finished they attacked her ... telling her how angry they were that she was in that line and took up so much time. The woman didn't say a word, just moved on with her walker, but the clerk spoke up and said she was handicapped and had a right to be in that line. That brought on "I'm handicapped, too" by the angry elders. I just couldn't help myself .... I turned to them and said "Merry Christmas" ... and then heard several others repeat my words. It did stop their complaining, but I seriously doubt they 'got it'. It's a shame when people are so caught up in themselves that they can't show any compassion for others who are having a tough time. Sometimes the folks having a tough time don't show they're suffering, but they sure would appreciate a kind word or just a smile or holding the door for them (I know I have lately). Those little things that we were taught to do when we were kids seem to have disappeared ... especially during the holiday rush. It's a shame.

I have carried Vern's wallet in my purse for quite awhile. I kept it with me so I'd have the ID and insurance/medicare cards available for doctor or hospital visits, but after he passed I kept it because it made me feel better to have it there - and to see his smiling face on his drivers license (which showed through the outside). But when I was getting things ready for our vacation I thought it probably was safer not to carry it, so I put it away.  And now I can't find it. I have looked in all of my normal hiding spots, and it's not there.  I've prayed, I've cried, I've beat myself up for being so stupid ... but I can't find it. I remember thinking about what to do with it the morning we were to leave, but the memory stops right there. ....... 10 minute lapse .... While typing this, a thought popped into my head, so I retrieved my wallet and looked through all of the compartments. Vern's license was there!!!!  (along with a $100 bill - wow!)  Well, now I can't say I've had no tears today. Such a relief. Still don't know where the wallet is, but I don't care about that - it was his drivers license that I needed. Yes, today is going to be a good day.


Anonymous said...

Gosh, Dianne - that made me tear-up and smile and then cry. Such a roller coaster - it seems you've been there for such a long time. The new year is approaching, perhaps that will change somewhat.

Your post office story just burned me. I learned as a young person that if you don't know their story, then keep quiet. Patience is so important and I am blessed with tons of it. Good for you for saying Merry Christmas even when the lot of them didn't "get it!" It's a testimony to what a kind, compassionate person you are. God Bless you, Dianne! I'm continuing to follow your journey with love & admiration. ~ Lora

Lori Puente said...

Oh Dianne, I so AGREE with you on how folks can behave and the pettiness that they can show. Then equally I am in such awe by the graciousness of others, in this case, that would be you and the others who simply said, "Merry Christmas".

And OMG, I constantly put stuff in safe places and can't find them. Its really scary. I'm glad you found Vern's license and the emergency money stash of $100 too!

Susie Hemingway said...

It seems we notice so much more during these sad days, especially bad behaviour. I used to say to H when leaving the car-park of the hospital how slowly I must proceed, because of sick people not quite focusing so well on their driving home from treatments etc there were always those that rush off without a care.There is never an excuse for rudeness and it saddens me that some folk have to be this way. When standing inline for anything these days I find myself thinking about others, whether they are recently bereaved or simply not very well and you are so right there are some who only seem to think of themselves and just can't take time to think of others and the problems that may have befallen them.
I am happy to know you found Verns Licence - you see he is not far from you - guiding your hands and keeping an eye on you. Hang in there dear friendx

Craig Stinson said...

Egad, Dianne, that's awful--both the post office and the social security office. How can they lock up at 4 when they're supposed to be open till 5? I was a little luckier than you on this score. The SS people called me and took care of the whole business over the phone. I guess the mortuary guy had contacted them for me, and the SS people took it upon themselves to do the rest. I've tried to avoid the post office, too, but haven't been quite able to do it. Many things to send to my father-in-law and others who were not able to attend the service. My most-fun chores of the week have been updating my will and contacting a couple of brokerages where Jean had IRAs. Mostly the people on the other end of these calls have been appropriately condolent, although once in a while I run into a cheery "Have a nice day!" (as though that were possible right now...)

I hope the rest of your day is going well!